


If It Be Thus To Dream

by Killtheselights



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ballroom Dancing, F/M, Lemon, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Space Virgins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 10:52:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14423862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killtheselights/pseuds/Killtheselights
Summary: "Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!"Despite a number of chaotic interruptions, Rey and Ben finally manage to steal one private moment together.





	If It Be Thus To Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheLadyoftheHouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyoftheHouse/gifts).



> This takes place between chapters 12 and 13 of my story "Conceal Me What I Am." 
> 
> If you would like further context, the full story can be read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14242881/chapters/32843100

_What relish is in this? how runs the stream?_  
_Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:_  
_Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;_  
_If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!_  
  
-Twelfth Night, or What You Will, IV.I.55-58

* * *

Once more, they found themselves in the ballroom, lost in the music and each other.

Her right hand found his shoulder, her left squeezed the large, warm hand holding hers. She could feel his heart beating where he had pressed her into his chest. His hand on her bare back held her firmly, branding her with his heat.

_I wish you could always hold me this close, beloved,_ she whispered, the endearment rolling too easily out of her thoughts. This time, she was unabashed by its use. After all, she had said it before.

If this was the last time they could be together, he would part from her knowing how she felt.

The two quickly fell into the waltz once more, their bodies synchronizing without conscious thought. Rey's eyes closed in bliss. Her hand on his shoulder slid up to his neck, curling around the back, seeking out skin of her own to touch. She found a break between his collar and the back of his helmet and laid her fingers there, feeling the pulse racing beneath the smooth alabaster. She had done this motion before, she knew, but she couldn’t remember how or when.

As the music picked up, he followed the flow of the dance and raised her up. Her blood sang when he lifted her up, his hands spanning her waist with ease. She pressed impossibly closer, trying to soak up every last inch of him. Her fingers returned to their place on his neck, the ends of his dark hair brushing faintly against her knuckles.

She looked around, the dimly lit ballroom coming into focus around her. She could see the faces of the guests, some judging, others just enjoying drinks and music and conversation. She was still here, but she remembered leaving the ballroom through the droid’s passage. She remembered blaster fire, the screams, the smell of death, Kita’lis…

_I remember, too_ , Ben’s thoughts echoed in her head suddenly. _We’ve done this before_.

His hand slid down to rest on the middle of her back. Where his fingertips touched her bare skin, the gentle shock that seemed to emit from his fingertips made her gasp.

“How?” she panted. She turned her head to observe the other dancers again. Their faces were familiar, and yet when they floated out of her field of vision, she could not recall a single detail about them.

She could feel him smiling lazily beneath his helmet.

“Because we’re in a dream,” he murmured, pulling her in closer.

She tightened her fingers in the invisible spot under his helmet, her nails cleaving into his skin. She had been mesmerized by the way their minds were connected, but even this seemed like a stretch.

“We’re dreaming this together?” she asked, eyes still scanning the room with tentative fascination.

“I assume so,” he said, his booming voice modulator fading to his natural bass. “Well, one of us is dreaming. The other is along for the ride.”

Her eyes narrowed at him as the pieces fell into place. “Didn’t you say you were going to watch me? Some protector you are.”

He laughed, spinning her under his arm.

“I was doing a great job until you pulled me into this.”

He neglected to mention that he only knew this was because he had been so entranced by watching her sleeping so peacefully that he was lured to sleep himself.

She whirled back into his arms. He held her tighter, his hand drifting impossibly lower. She felt the heat of his touch threatening to consume her. Even though she knew it was a dream, the sensation was startlingly intimate. Real.

“Well, what if I want you to wake up so the ocean doesn’t carry us both away?” she asked, a slight glimmer of mischief in her eye.

“Then you have to make me wake up,” he said. He laced his fingers through hers.

The other guests fell away until it was just the two of them alone on the dance floor.

Ben stopped dancing, pulling away from her slightly. He reached up and released the seal on his mask, dropping it to the floor. She noticed his face seemed fuller, livelier, somehow. His lips were red, soft, and inviting. Her fingers instinctively reached up tighten in his hair, bringing him in closer. This time, he breathed out a husky whisper in her ear.

“I’m at your mercy in all of this.”

Rey raised her face to his so that they were barely a breath apart. The revelation dawned on her that this was the safest place for the two of them to be together. There might be emotional consequences when they woke, but the hangups that had burdened them earlier could not reach them here. They had a space all their own. They were free.

Ben’s eyes scanned her face with all the severity he could muster.

“Whatever this is, we are on borrowed time,” he whispered. “It’s up to you what we do with it.”

"Please, let's run away,” Rey said, repeating the words she had said on this dance floor earlier.

“Follow me,” he commanded softly, offering her his hand.  
  
She slid her hand into his larger one, feeling his warmth wrapping around her, a thick blanket of heat and sweat and wanting curling around her through the Force. She met his gaze and nodded solemnly. They hurried up the stairs and through the large double doors that had held so much anxiety and dread earlier.

The grand halls of the manor were empty, and the orchestra music was a phantom whisper from the ballroom that faded quickly behind them. She knew it wasn’t real, but she could feel her heart hammering in the base of her throat. He wasn’t sure he could breathe. They held hands tighter, as if their grasp on each other was what was keeping them sane. He saw the desire etched in her stare, and he pulled her towards a door off the main hallway. He could feel her anticipation like a pulse in the Force; yes, she wanted this too, and _yes_ , she was as petrified as he was.

The lights were already on in the room, the amber glow of the wall sconces the same as before. He had brought them to the sitting room where they had first danced together. Though there was no need, he shut the door behind him. The room was sparsely furnished, with only a small decorative table against one wall, and several plush chairs and chaise lounges arranged near some likely decorative, antique bookshelves. He watched her turn to face him, pulling her circlet off and placing it gently on the table, its formerly cracked surface now smooth and whole again. She quickly combed her fingers through the waves in her hair to keep her hands from shaking.

She looked at him striding towards her, every inch the prince she knew him to be, but the need in his face was as raw and desperate as it had been on the Supremacy, when he begged her to stay with him, rule with him. But this was a different need.

She was proud with how well they had managed to contain it for most of the ball.

But there was no reason to conceal it anymore.

He swept her up in his arms, bringing her face to his, and she curled her arms around his neck as their mouths found each other once more. Her hands were less delicate now as she ran them through his hair, tangling her fingers on his dark locks, feeling the gentle pinpricks of his skin as she kneaded his scalp under her fingertips. She felt light in his arms, as if she fit in their strong embrace. Still, his hands were eager to explore her, and he lowered her onto the plush white lounge, admiring her.

He liked the way her shadow-hued dress contrasted with the pure white upholstery. Her eyes, so dark in the golden lamp glow, challenged him. She kicked her boots off while he stepped out of his, unhooking the uppermost buttons of his jacket. She watched him for several seconds before she sat up and pulled him by his loosened collar to her. She kissed him longingly as she worked on his jacket, his hands on either side of her in the small lounge. As her hands moved lower and lower down his torso, she felt his mouth growing more eager. She gently placed a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the thin black undershirt as she popped the last button out of its hole.

He stood upright again and shrugged the elegant garment off his broad shoulders, and released the suspenders so they dangled around his waist. Rey sat up on her knees. She placed her hands nervously on his upper arms, feeling the powerful muscles tense beneath her hands. She had initially tried to forget the brief glimpse of his shirtless form she had encountered in their Force connection, but as time and distance grew between them and her anger and hurt from their fight on the Supremacy dissipated, she felt her curiosity about his body grow. Despite his towering height, he could pivot from being a large, shadowy monster in his mask to a vulnerable, wide-eyed man, fearful and starved for love, to something in between; his physique gave him the illusion of strength, of power, but his eyes on her had been so gentle, so sorrowful, so desperate for understanding, that the power of his musculature seemed to fade into a new defenselessness. In that moment, he had been exposed to her, body and soul, and that was the way he appeared to her now: a powerful, gentle creature, entirely hers.

He seemed to hold his breath while she explored him, her hands feeling the muscles in his arms, his shoulders, his back. She traced the scar from his forehead down to his cheek, across his jaw and now down his exposed neck, stopping at the neck of his undershirt. She felt a jagged sort of pain echoing from the touch; she hoped her gentle caress was an acceptable apology. She let her hands dance down his abdomen, and he exhaled in relief. She carefully reached under the hem of his shirt, feeling the planes of his stomach crosshatched with scars, his body willing her to continue, to explore all of him.

She tugged his undershirt upwards, and he raised his arms so she could pull it over his head. His broad chest was ivory in the lamplight, his dark eyes warm, loving, hungry. He seemed almost fearful, as if he was awaiting her approval of his body. If she approved of him enough to want him for her own.

“Ben,” she whispered, her hands more bold now as they reached for him, taking in whatever skin they could, but her eyes never leaving his face, trying to learn every angle of it. Her thumb traced a line from the scar she had given him down to his nipple, and along the curves of his abdomen to the waistline of his trousers. She let her hand linger below his waist, if only for a second. He breathed heavily, his need growing even more desperately, even as his trepidation threatened his resolve. His eyes met hers.

“Rey,” he sighed, the lone syllable full of relief and gratitude. He wanted to savor this moment, savor her, but they didn’t know how much time they had.

As if in panic, he pulled away from her and pushed her back onto the lounge. As she tried to assess what he was doing, her eyes scanning the ceiling wildly, he had grabbed her by the ankles and was dragging her to the edge of the lounge, almost to the floor. He dropped to his knees and placed her ankles over his shoulders.

At least in the dream, he had enjoyed being on display for her, feeling her hands soothing a deep ache that had become a part of him. But he wanted his turn to feel her.

He let his hands explore her first, caressing her ankles, reaching under the long hem of her dress to feel the soft skin on her legs. He had tasked the droid with helping her get ready, but he hadn’t expected it to be this thorough in its pampering; he was suddenly very grateful to the chattering droid. He reached his hands up further, kneading her smooth shins and her muscular calves, before pushing her skirt up past her knees, so it billowed like a cloud around her waist. She gasped, and tried to sit up, but he dragged her forward so her knees now rested on his shoulders and her feet dangled down his back. Her heart hammered against her chest as his hands began to wander up her thighs in delicate circles. He gazed up over the billowy layers of fabric at her face, her eyes closed in anticipation, her hair encircling her head like a dark wreath against the white upholstery.

“Ben,” she whispered, her voice an urgent prayer.

“Yes?” he muttered, turning his head slightly to plant a kiss on her inner thigh. She gasped again.

He turned his head to the other leg, leaving a trail of wet kisses along her inner thigh. He stuck out his tongue tentatively, letting it rest against her skin. She shivered; he felt her pleasure in the Force, and knew to continue. He alternated between kissing her and licking her as ventured higher up her legs. He liked the taste of her; it was as if she could never fully get the sand of Jakku out of her. She was earth and sunlight.

“Please,” she whispered.

He shifted his hands higher, his broad palms resting on top of her thighs, his fingers tapping a gentle tattoo as they brushed the fabric of her underwear.

He gazed up at her. She sent him a series of images in the Force, a small moan escaping her lips. He planted another kiss higher on her opposite thigh, his mouth brushing the dark hair that escaped from her the legs of underwear, before pushing himself up to face her.

He reached his hands up higher, his eyes never leaving hers. Placing a hand on each of her hips, he curled his fingers under the fabric of her underwear and pulled, tugging them down over her ankles and tossing them over his shoulder.

He knew this was unlike him. He had never touched a woman like this before, nor even dreamt that he would have the opportunity to do so, given the harsh celibacy Snoke commanded of him in the First Order. However, the dreamscape and the desire in Rey’s eyes emboldened him.

She could feel the heat rising freely between her legs. It was not new for her, but it was usually a cause for frustration. For so long she had fought against this sensation, against her desire for him. Some of the nights when she had been mentally fortifying herself against him, she found herself instead craving his touch, imagining his broad hands on her skin. She had hated herself for it then; now, it was practically real, and she couldn’t get enough.

Now, they had crossed a line. But she did not want to stop.

He stood over her, and propping herself up on her arms, she surged up to meet him, their bodies pressed impossibly close, so familiar in their intimacy. She snaked a hand up into his hair again, pulling his mouth to hers. His mouth answered back giddily, greedily, their tongues sparring between them. Her free hand came to rest on his hip bone, and her fingers began to trace their path across his waistband, eagerly feeling the thick curly hair that formed a line down his abdomen. He grunted as her hand began to move closer where his erection was straining against the well-tailored pants.

In response, one of his hands found its favorite spot flush at her lower back where the dress met skin, and the other began to caress her side, feeling higher and higher until his thumb came to rest on the fabric above her right breast. As she darted her hands closer and closer to his erection, his thumb nervously fumbled to explore more of her, running over her nipple until he could feel it through the delicate fabric of her gown.

She dropped her hands suddenly, jerking away from him and striding a few steps so her back was to him.

“We can’t...we can’t keep playing around like this,” she panted, breathless from their kissing.

He froze, his heart dropping into the soles of his feet. He had been so secure when he realized he was in her dream, that she had invited his boldness, his exploration. His gut churned to think that he could have been wrong.

From across the room, Rey took a deep breath and pulled the straps of her gown off her shoulders, guiding the garment as it slid down her slim body and delicately stepping out of it so it rested on the floor.

She turned to him slowly, taking in his expression. It transformed from shock to admiration to adoration in a matter of seconds as he took in all of her. She felt for his thoughts, and saw only her reflection, the object of his worship, consuming his mind.

She walked up to him slowly and tugged at his hand, bringing it towards her bare chest.

“We don’t have much time,” she said, her dark eyes grave as they met his. “Ben. _Please._ ”

He understood the urgency; this was all the permission he needed.

His mouth found hers one more time before he began his desperate journey downward. She could feel his tongue and teeth planting wolfish kisses now her neck, a trail of longing that extended down to her shoulder. His hands quickly occupied themselves with her breasts, his calloused thumbs tracing frantically across her areolas until he felt hardness rising from her soft skin.

Her mouth, now free of his, could only gasp as she felt the exquisite sensations of fiery hands and a frenzied mouth on her bare skin. She felt the warmth pooling between her legs, and forgot to feel betrayal or shame. Her body wanted this. She craved it.

He lowered his body to lavish his mouth upon her nipples, suckling each with delight. Rey opened her eyes to glimpse his dark hair and hungry mouth savoring her skin. Looking at him, she let out a pleasured moan. His hands, dancing furiously between her back and hips, paused in their flight as he squeezed her sides and exhaled, looking up at her. She raked her fingers through his hair, looking down at him with affectionate pride. Everything he was doing to her...she couldn’t get enough.

_Time. Right,_ Ben thought, remembering himself. Dropping to his knees before Rey, the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, he pried her legs apart, just far enough that he could comfortably navigate between them. She let out another gasp, and he answered with a feral chuckle.

Gently, he ran the back of one hand up and down her thighs, so warm and tan in the golden light of the room, while the other explored the curves of her buttocks. He kissed her on her navel, feeling her suppress a surprised giggle. He trailed kisses down the patch of dark curls on her pelvis, where he paused to breathe in deeply, enjoying the strange but beautiful scents of the woman who loved him. His hand ceased its wandering on her thigh, and tentatively felt upwards for the folds of skin between her legs. He felt the wetness there instantly, and she shifted her weight to allow him to feel all of her. He let the pad of his index finger feel for the different layers of labia, hearing her quiet panting above him as her hands clutched onto his hair in desperation. He found the source of the wetness, her opening, and traced his finger back towards him, Rey squirming in delight around him as he felt for her clit.

Pressing one final kiss on her pubic bone, he moved his mouth to were her skin parted into lips, and darted his tongue out to explore. Rey’s body arched into the touch, and he ventured deeper, alternating between kissing and licking her, his large hands kneading her skin.

Rey gave herself over to pleasure, to the tall man kneeling as if in prayer to worship her, her body, her everything. He was curious, exploring her, but also confident enough to know where and how to apply pressure to make her forget herself.

“Ben,” she gasped, as he kissed her clit again.

She raked her fingers through his dark hair.

“ _Ben_ ,” she sighed, feeling his hands massaging her inner thighs.

He placed his thumb on her clitoris as his tongue snaked its way inside of her. Her legs almost buckled beneath her.

“ _Kylo,_ ” she moaned, her voice almost a roar.

She gasped, wanting to take it back as soon as she said it, but there was no recalling the name. She looked down into the warm dark eyes of Ben Solo, whose lips were bright red and wet with her moisture, and saw neither sadness nor anger, but a fierce determination. Hunger.

She felt his fingers curl around her hips, and in the next second, she found herself hoisted up in the air, letting out a pathetic shriek of fear in the process. The tall man scooped her up roughly and laid her back down with equal grace onto the lounge. Sinking again to his knees, he pulled her hips towards him and let his mouth feel every curve of her, his lips hungrily tracing the folds of her labia and his tongue dipping in and out of her slit as if with an unquenchable thirst.

She closed her eyes and let the sensations overwhelm her. She had called upon Kylo, and unleashed the beast within. She clutched desperately for purchase on the lounge, but found her body fighting against her control as his mouth unleashed wave after wave of pleasure.

She tried to open her eyes, but the room began to flicker in and out around her.

“Rey,” Ben said, pulling his head up to face her. “Stay with me. Please.”

She was confused about his please, but soon realized what was happening: in her passion, she was waking up, disrupting the vision.

_No, it can’t end yet,_ she begged, and she snapped her eyes shut.

When she opened them again, the bare-chested Ben was leaning over her, pale skin a warm golden hue in the light of the sitting room.

She panted deeply, trying to catch her breath as she pulled Ben down to her level, wrapping her fingers around his neck. She kissed him deeply, tasting herself on his lips.

“We have to hurry,” she whispered.

He sighed. “That is the absolute last thing I want to to do with you right now,” he mumbled into her neck. He sunk his teeth down into her shoulder and ran a hand along her inner thigh. The room began to spin again, destabilized.

When it recovered, Rey brushed aside his hand authoritatively, and put both of hers into the high waistband of his trousers. She pulled them down low enough for him to get the hint and begin shimmying them down his muscular legs. His erection was straining to break free of the black underwear he wore. Shifting on the lounge so she faced his towering form, she made a trail of furtive kisses down the dark hair on his taut stomach to his waistband. She looked up to his face, and his eyes, nervous and eager, encouraged her to continue, and soon the underwear joined the rest of their clothing on the floor.

Rey could not take her eyes off the naked form of Ben Solo. His every muscle and sinew seemed alert, aroused. She let her small hands wander through the coarse black hair on his lower abdomen to his hard cock. She let him feel her thoughts as she had felt his, while she explored the unfamiliar anatomy before her: she loved every piece of him.

She felt a sigh of relief flow through the Force to her, and she began to let her hands learn him. She traced her fingers up the smooth skin of his shaft, and heard him hiss in rapture. Her hand moved in delicate stroking motions, and she felt his body clench then relax under her touch. With one hand braced on his stomach, she moved her thumb to the head, tracing small circles. He groaned, and his hands flexed open and closed at his side, loosely containing the power of his arousal. He had touched himself before, certainly, but nothing felt quite the way her hands did on him.

And just as he was becoming accustomed to the pace of her hands on him, she ran her tongue across the head of his cock, and he emitted a snarl of ecstasy. Rey took him in her hand to guide his erection into her mouth, feeling the warmth of it behind her lips. Her eager tongue explored him, feeling the smooth shaft and softness of the head as it oozed expectantly.

Ben enjoyed this for a few moments before his self-control failed him. Pulling her away from him, he gently nudged her back, down onto the plush rug. His eyes met hers, both were filled with burning excitement, and a crystalline shard of sorrow: this may be the only time they could do this.

Rey nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and opening her legs.

With one hand supporting him and the other guiding his cock into her, Ben never took his eyes off of hers, until he felt her warmth around him, then they shut with a strangled groan.

Rey’s closed as well as she felt his body fill hers, and a rush of pleasure and pain flooded her senses. He was going to break her in half, she thought, but he pulled himself out of her before pushing forward again, and this time, she was ready for him, eager to feel him, and he pushed deeper. She felt as if her body was welcoming him, as if it had yearned for him for longer than she would consciously admit.

In that moment, the Force was a channel between them, flowing constantly in tumultuous waves. They caught a glimpse of one another’s thoughts, though they could each barely focus on their own. As the newness of their union faded, Ben began to slip in and out of her, and their hips soon synchronized into a rhythm, a comfortable balance between them. Their every touch was electric. They fought the need for air over the desire to kiss, and as they moved faster, more desperately, Rey again began to lose her grip on the dreamscape as the ecstasy crept to overtake her.

“I love you, Ben,” she gasped between his thrusts.

Though the room was fragmented now, he could still see her face beneath him, her mouth gasping for air between moans. He could feel through the Force that they were both nearing climax together, but he didn’t know if they would survive the dream. He paused, kissing her on her open, eager mouth.

“I love you,” he panted. “No matter what happens after this.” He kissed her once more, looking into her eyes. He was the earnest, raw longing in them. She was ready for them to finish, even if it meant ending this perfect moment.

No, it couldn’t last. But they would both enjoy it.

He lifted her legs over his shoulders, then resumed thrusting, his hips beating out a frantic pace. His fingers buried into her thighs as hers curled desperately in the fibers of the carpet. She let his names burst forth from her lips in breathy shouts, unafraid of being overheard or interrupted.

She felt all of her muscles tightening as heat, like a shock, radiated from her core, tearing his name in a scream from her lips. She distantly heard him gasp, and felt his pleasure slicing through her so acute and beautiful that she feared it would consume her, and then opened her eyes to a dark beach. The moon was hidden amongst the hills behind them, and they were still hours from sunrise.

The ocean waves lapped against the shore. Rey looked up at Ben, who was gazing down at her, panting as if almost out of breath.

She felt the sensations retreating from her memory quickly as the sights and sounds of the world around her began to settle into her senses.

“Ben?” she mumbled groggily. “Did you…”

He kissed her head, tightening his arms around her, his Force presence fiery and energetic, but also comforting.

“We didn’t, but I felt it too,” he said.

“Oh.”

She shifted her body fruitlessly against him, grasping at the memories of the dreamt encounter that were receding like the waves. It had felt so real, but now she was struggling to picture it. His hands on her, his body in hers, her fingers learning the hidden secrets of him, the feel of him over her, his mouth...

By morning, she will have forgotten most of the details, she realized with some sorrow, as she settled in against Ben’s chest to fall back into a newly dreamless slumber. Still, though it had been a dream, it was a fond wish fulfilled, and she was grateful to have had the moments taken from them. Though she wouldn’t remember their shared bliss, the sensations would live under her hands and in the Force, calling to her when she least expected it.

Ben’s body was still tensed, as if she were still beneath him, writhing in ecstasy. His heart was still pounding, and his mind felt intoxicated, as if recovering from an orgasm that never happened, his body displaying none of the other symptoms that usually accompanied release. However, as the experience began to blur and fade from his memory, the taste of Rey still lingered in his mouth.

Some day, he wished, as he looked out over the starlight reflected in the artificial sea, there would be no war, no First Order, no Resistance. Just the Force, himself, and Rey.

And there would be no further need for dreaming.

**Author's Note:**

> Since I started writing "Conceal Me What I Am," I was asked if the story was going to lead to sex. Honestly, I hadn't anticipated it, and when the story started to fall into place, there wasn't room for an erotic scene that felt comfortable and natural to the progression of events.
> 
> However, as my editor, TheLadyoftheHouse requested something tantalizing, so as her payment for helping me create CMWIA, I tried to find a place for little detour into something more frisky. 
> 
> Enjoy.


End file.
